$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
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Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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