I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
