I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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