things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
