at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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