Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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