i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
