Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
