wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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