Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
