I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
