Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
