Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
