my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
