These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
