Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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