I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
