im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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