I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
