What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
