I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
