burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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