Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
