you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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