Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
