Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
