Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
