He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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