I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
