garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
