idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
