A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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