she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
