my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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