if you like me you must not know who I am
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
