: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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