loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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