Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
