I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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