careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
