happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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