U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
