dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
