If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
