you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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