i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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