i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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