Need sex. Gaining weight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
