hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
