Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
