The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
