I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
