Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
