i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
