I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
