Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
