I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
