btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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