Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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