Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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