Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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