The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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