do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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