The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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