Your dad touched me again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
