does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize