so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
