How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
