My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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