Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
