its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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