So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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