i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
