That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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