I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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