Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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