I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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