I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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