Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
