So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
